“30 Rock” hits it out of the park

tina

I just love this “30 Rock” quote so much I have to share. It’s when Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) had to explain to Kenneth the Page (Jack McBrayer) why she needs to get her cell phone back from a cabbie:

“It was a boobies picture, Kenneth. I only kept it because for once they were both pointing in the same direction.”

“Millionaire Matchmaker” pulls no punches

I cannot get enough of “The Millionaire Matchmaker.”

Jersey girl Patti Stanger tells men like it is and doesn’t mince words. It doesn’t matter that they’re richer than rich and paying her thousands and thousands of dollars to help them meet Ms. Right.

Here she is on “The View”:

Last night’s episode was another hoot. Who the heck does Laurence, a 38-year-old millionaire, think he is? He has very high standards and moves way too quickly. Patti was totally right in telling him off after he tried to talk his date, Marissa, into flying to Vegas with him… on their first date.

“Women are like crock pots,” explains Patti in a great analogy. “They heat up very slowly to get to a simmer. Men are like microwaves – from A to Z, boom!”

By the way, I was absolutely shocked to see Dallas from “Rock of Love with Bret Michaels” on the show. I’m surprised Patti and her staff didn’t recognize her and call her on it – unless they were told that would be promoting the VH1 show.

“Lost”: Let’s play Hangman!

For several weeks, I’ve been writing on my Channel Surfing blog about “Lost” in “24” real-time style. Well, not exactly real time. I’m not actually writing this during the show. Are you crazy? I’d never get to enjoy it. Anyway, I decided to do it here this week:

Those were the days... <sigh>

Those were the days...

9:01 – It’s that guy from the plane – Cesar (aka Dog Whisperer)! Why is he rooting around in that grungy office?

9:03 – Hey, there’s Locke! And he’s alive!

9:05 – Roll credits. Yay! WAAAAAAAALLLLTTTTT is back! What is he now, 20?

9:06 – New chick Ilana to Locke: “Nobody remembers you being on the plane.” Locke: “I don’t remember being on it, either. I remember dying.”

9:08 – Oh, no! Not another flashback with that stupid time-turning wheel! I’m sorry, but that is tres corny.

9:09 – Hmmm…Locke’s lying in a desert. Is that Tunisia? It would make sense, considering what Charlotte/aka Red was shown finding in it during that flashback.

9:10 – Locke’s barfing. Yummy!

9:12 – Uh oh. There’s that mean-looking bald dude.

9:13 – Charles Widmore returns! Widmore to Locke: “I met you when I was 17. You look exactly the same.”

9:15 – Woah! So the desert Locke found himself in is significant. “That’s the exit,” Widmore tells him.

9:17 – Widmore to Locke: “I was the leader. I protected the island for three decades. I was exiled.”

9:18 -Widmore tells Locke he must get the Oceanic 6 to go back to the island: “There’s a war coming, John, and if you’re not back on the island the wrong side will win.”

9:20 – Widmore also says he’s “deeply invested in the future of the island.” Financially or otherwise?

9:24 – I gather there’s no love lost between Widmore and Ben. Trouble is, who do you believe? Widmore: “I need Linus removed so it can be your time.”

9:26 – OK, so the mean bald dude’s name is Matthew. His new job is to push Locke around in a wheelchair and take him to visit each of the Oceanic 6.

9:30 – Why is Sayid hell bent on not going back if his life sucks anyway? Sayid to Locke: “Why do you really need to go back? Is it because you don’t have anywhere else to go?” Meanie!

9:33 – WAAAAAAAALLLLLT! I was right, he’s 20! Well, at least 15. Matthew: “The boy’s gotten big.” That’s an understatement!

9:34 – Walt tells Locke about a recent dream (more like a vision of the future, I’d say): “You were on the island wearing a suit, and the people around you were trying to hurt you.”

9:35 – Can’t anyone go anywhere without Ben following them?

9:36 – Ha ha! Hurley thinks Locke’s a ghost!

9:38 – Woah, Matthew says he’s the one who told Locke to go on the walkabout in the first place. “I help people get to where they need to go.”

9:43 – After a quick visit with Kate, Locke tracks down Peg Bundy… in a cemetery. Too bad, so sad.

9:45 – ACK! Matthew’s shot dead in the cemetery! Locke drives off and gets into a lovely car accident. Oh, Locke!

9:47 – He wakes up in Jack’s hospital. What a coincidence!

9:48 – Locke to Jack: “Your father says hello.” Jack yells at him in typical annoying Jack fashion.

9:51 – Poor Locke.  He writes out that suicide note and prepares to hang himself in a dingy motel room. But wait! There’s a knock at the door!

9:52 – Boo. It’s only Ben. Though he admits to offing Matthew, Ben says it’s Widmore who’s the evil-doer: “Charles Widmore is the reason I moved the island.”

9:53 – Poor Locke’s beside himself crying. He’s all alone, nobody believes him. He tells Ben Jin is alive and that he’s got his wedding ring to pass on to Sun. It’s obvious from Ben’s reaction that he didn’t know Jin was alive.

9:54 – OK, how is this going to end? If Ben doesn’t want Locke to die, maybe he can give him some kind of Romeo & Juliet potion to mimic death?

9:55 – Holy crap!!! Ben’s strangling the life out of Locke! Dang! I guess any ambiguity about Ben’s intentions are O-V-E-R.

9:56 – Ben must have a lot of experience staging suicide scenes. Either that, or he watches a lot of “CSI:”

9:58 – I love that shot of Locke’s dangling shadow on the wall. Very cool. Ben sure is cool as a cucumber. He slips Jin’s wedding band into his pocket. That will come in handy later, as we already know.

10:04 – We’re back on the island, post second-crash. Ilana and Dog Whisperer take Locke to a Dharma station where injured plane passengers are laid out on the floor. One of them is Ben. Too bad, so sad. Ilana asks Locke if he knows him.

10:05 – “He’s the man who killed me.”

10:06 – Cue awesome preview for next week:

A “Real Housewives” reunion to remember

Unbelievable! I thought that this season of “The Real Housewives of Orange County” was entertaining. It doesn’t hold a candle to last night’s reunion, which was so full of zingers that I’m relegated to doing a virtual play-by-play, a la “Lost.” Sorry this is so long, but it’s just sooo good:

real9:02 – What?? Jeana let her teenage daughter Kara get a boob job? “She was graduating from high school and that was what she wanted,” she says.

9:04 – Tamra tells host Andy Cohen she was going to bring him her old boob implants. “I’m going to sell them on eBay,” she declares.

9:06 – Lynne rings on the boob implant discussion: “If you had a flat tire on your car, wouldn’t you get a new tire?”

9:08 – The conversation turns serious when Andy asks Gretchen why she’s wearing her  $60,000+ diamond engagement ring since her fiance, Jeff, died in September. “I don’t feel right taking it off yet,” she says. Neither would I if I had a $60,000+ diamond ring. I’m just saying…

9:10 – Boy, this must be trash Lynne hour starring Vicki and Tamra! Lynne finally wakes up and retorts, “It would hurt my feelings – because I know they’re both rocket scientists over there.”

9:12 – Classic moment courtesy of Andy: “To clarify, Lynne, you’re not home smoking on a bong all day?”

9:13 – OMG! How can Gretchen not know who Florence Nightingale is? Or “All About Eve,” for that matter?

9:15 – Classic moment courtesy of Andy, part 2: “This is a no skank zone.”

9:17 – Jeana calls her date, Allen, from the season finale “a little geographically undesirable.” Drat! He was cute.

9:18 – Jeana is delusional about defending her son Shayne’s ridiculously hostile behavior toward her.

9:19 – Thank God! Andy totally calls her on it, asking why she always defends said bad behavior – especially when it’s directed toward her.

9:20 – “I try not to tell the children what to do,” Jeana says. Bingo! That’s your first problem!

9:22 –  Jeana, feeling on the defensive, decides to attack the weakest of the bunch – Lynne – when she says, “I had a Lynne moment.” Snap!

9:23 – Oh, boy. Here comes Lynne’s water works. Wait a sec – all those mean things Vicki and Tamra said about Lynne being dumb don’t upset her, but Jeana’s statement makes her cry?

9:24 – Jeana apologizes – sort of: “She didn’t expect that from me. I never pick on her.”

9:26 – Vicki to Lynne: “You’ve hurt my feelings a lot, too.” Who the heck is she kidding?

9:32 – Now it’s getting juicy: Andy asks pointed questions about Tamra’s *etiquette* party in which she and Vicki vow to get Gretchen “naked wasted.” I’m still not sure what the heck that means.

9:34 – Tamra pleads stupidity and blames booze. “I was the most ashamed and most embarrassed in my entire life,” she swears. Somehow, I don’t believe her. “I guess I’m a mean drunk.” Now that I agree with! So what’s her excuse the rest of the time?

9:37 – Gretchen, who’s been classy thus far, says she accepted Tamra’s apology.

9:40 – Waaahhh?? Gretchen’s got a boyfriend she’s been keeping on the side the whole time?

9:42 – Tamra gives  a long-winded explanation about some guy named Jay (or is it “J” as in Jeff?) calling her and threatening to out Gretchen about their relationship. Gretchen fesses up that she was with this guy at 1 a.m. after a party, but that he’s an ex-boyfriend who’s been harassing her.

9:43 – Tamra asks Gretchen if Jay was at Bass Lake with her. She cops to it, but says he’s a family friend and that nothing was going on. Hmmm, that seems kinda weird. Still, even if Gretchen had a boyfriend and the whole Jeff show was bogus, Tamra doesn’t have to be so darn mean.

9:44 – Snap again! Jeana’s on a roll. She says she saw Jay’s clothes laying on the floor… of Gretchen’s bedroom.

9:45 – “It’s all about moral character,” declares Tamra. Ha! Look who’s talking!

9:46 – Tamra to Gretchen: “You’re such a (expletive deleted) victim, aren’t you?”

9:50 – Lynne while watching video of her daughter Raquel, drinking and being a brat: “It looks like me when I was 17.” Shocking!

9:52 – Vicki says her kids are good, and that she would take their phones and cars away if they behaved like Raquel. You know, I believe her. And seriously, her kids are the best of the bunch. Wow, that’s quite a statement.

9:55 – Lauri’s back. (yawn) Josh is doing well… in jail, she reluctantly admits to a prying Andy. “I recognize my son again,” she says. Well, that’s a start I suppose.

orange19:58 – Dang! That shirt is hilarious!
Update: A real-life Jersey girl (that would be me – metiny1 born, bred and still resides) will blog live on Facebook beginning at 11 p.m. EDT Tuesday, May 12, during the premiere of Bravo’s “Real Housewives of New Jersey.” Come join me and share your thoughts as we meet these five women. Click here or look up my handle,  TV Blogger Ava Gacser, on Facebook. I look forward to seeing you!

Take my breath away

I was innocently watching the 2009 Academy Awards when it suddenly struck me: I’m in love with Robert Downey Jr.

Hubba hubba.

Robert works the red carpet at the 2009 Academy Awards.

This is not exactly new news. I’ve been an avid admirer of his for years and years. (I still think “Chaplin” is his crowning achievement. Gosh, was he brilliant in it!)

I also think his turn in “Tropic Thunder” was hilarious. But it was “Iron Man” that first reminded me how handsome he really is. And his walk down the red carpet Sunday night confirmed that, for sure. Just look at him! He hasn’t looked  that gorgeous in years. It’s no wonder the fashion mavens of E!’s “Fashion Police” voted him the best dressed man at the Oscars.

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