“Rock of Love Bus”: Mama mia!

Another week, another hilariously ridiculous episode of “Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels.” Did you expect anything else?

You gotta love Beverly and her *crazy* eyes.

You gotta love Beverly and her *crazy* eyes.

Finally – glory hallelujah, finally! – someone had the chutzpah to call it like it is. Too bad it was a drunken, jealous Beverly fuming to Jamie about Bret once again swapping spit with the skanks from the Pink Bus.

“He’s a rock star,” she rationalized. “He’s had this for 20 years. Does he not want something different now?”

Excellent question, Bev! Now why don’t you go ask Bret that to his face?

But she didn’t. She just acted surly and petulant and criticized and insulted Bret’s personal appearance. Naturally, all that did was tick him off royally. Then she had to do damage control:

“I am much more a happy go lucky drunk than an angry drunk,” Bev promised him.

Fortunately, Bret had enough of his wits about him to realize that – even in Bev’s drunken, mean state – she’s more interested in being with him than most of the other girls.

“There’s no doubt she is defintely here for me,” he concluded.

But when oh when is Bret going to see Juliette Lewis – oops, I mean Ashley – for the two-faced meanie she really is? Apparently not this week, since he once again gave her the first pass during elimination. Plus, he decided she handled the children the best during the poolside challenge. You know something’s screwy when kids like Ashley best! Come on! Ashley’s predominant concern was her bathing suit.

“Farrah and I took the smallest bikinis they had because, excuse me, would you put something large to cover these?” she asks, gesturing to her barely covered breasts. “I wouldn’t.”

And who knew Ashley was a mother? She still doesn’t strike me as the mothering type.

Mama!

Mama!

“I might dance on the weekend, but you know what? Monday through Friday I’m a stay at home mom,” Ashley explains.

Yeah, a completely immature, vindictive stay at home mom who pours entire bottles of salsa in other people’s suitcases! Meow!

But alas, Bret decided it still wasn’t time to give Ashley the old heave ho. Instead, he sent her best bud Farrah packing. Too bad, so sad.

“I’ve never chased a man my whole life,” declared an incredulous Farrah upon being eliminated. “I honestly don’t think he could handle somebody like me anyway. He needs somebody lamer. If he wants a motherly type that cuts his corn off his cob, he would pick Taya.”

(Taya, for the record, is a Penthouse Pet of the Year.)

As I sit here pondering exactly what Farrah meant by Bret’s “cob,” I’ll leave you with thoughts of next week’s trashtastic episode, which features the return of Heather and Ambre (Finally! Someone with a level head!). Do my eyes deceive me, or does it look like Brittanya the Mine clocks Heather in the jaw? Will Heather take that lying down? I bet not!

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