“Celebrity Apprentice”: Always a bridesmaid, never a bride

I cannot begin to express how bummed I am that Tom Green was fired last night on “Celebrity Apprentice.”


Tom sure makes a beautiful blushing bride./NBC

How does Dennis Rodman deserve to be there more than Tom Green at this point? Sure, Tom was the project manager, and he screwed up big time. He was good at delegating, I’ll give him that, but he didn’t do a darn thing to help his team actually win the task. Why couldn’t he have made some phone calls, too?

It didn’t help that Tom got rip-roarin’ drunk with Dennis, either, and showed up late to the task on the second day. But Dennis didn’t show up at all. Should Tom really have been fired because he couldn’t wrangle Dennis up and make him fly straight? And don’t even get me started on Dennis’ lame excuse about having an allergic reaction to cats – or dogs – or whatever the heck he was rambling about. When was he even near animals? When he was hanging with that Russian *model*?

Besides, when all is said and done, Tom’s got 100 times the personality of Dennis, and he’s going to be sorely missed – at least by me.

As for the rest of the episode, there were some funny moments. Among them:

Mr. Sandra Bullock/Jesse James on Tom: “I think Tom is just one of those creative dudes that’s just kind of a d*** that you gotta put up with. He did actually say a lot of stuff that did make sense.”

Dennis on his general (yet misguided) fabulousness: “I’m like, you ever see the movie ‘Ghost’? He came back as a ghost and got inside Whoopi Goldberg’s body. That’s me.”

Herschel Walker on Dennis: “All he wants to do is go around the neighborhood and have a drink here or there. I don’t know how that’s going to sell wedding dresses.”

Jesse on Dennis: “The good thing about today is that we found out how to get Dennis to talk more and be more interactive. The bad thing about it is that it’s vodka and cranberry juice that makes him do that.”

While Tom said he can’t imagine anyone from KOTU (that’s Kings of the Universe, in case you forgot) winning the show, I could see Jesse James taking the whole thing. He’s no dummy.

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