“Celebrity Apprentice”: Tales of the non-moving forehead

Now that both of the male comedians are gone, I figured “Celebrity Apprentice” would disintegrate into a bunch of humorless nothingness. Surprisingly, it hasn’t.

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Last night brought the women’s team, Athena, its first loss. (Thank God!!) Even though their presentation about ACN video phones did a better job of integrating the phones and featured them in use, the salespeople they were pitching to enjoyed the showmanship of KOTU (that’s Kings of the Universe) more. And really, didn’t Donald say that one of the goals of the presentation was to get the ACN people pumped about the product?

Project manager Claudia Jordan (who is this woman again?) had nothing but kind words for Melissa Rivers, who – between the bossiness and the shrill voice – admittedly does grate onone’s nerves. But Claudia took it to a whole other level:

“She’s a spoiled brat,” she said of Melissa. “…I think she looks funny; she scares me. I don’t know if she’s happy or sad or pissed off because it’s the same blank look in her eyes, and the forehead doesn’t move.”

Wait a minute – she’s not done!

“If Joan Rivers wasn’t around, then there would be no Melissa Rivers on TV or producing or anything – and that’s a fact!”

In the boardroom, Claudia was a bit more tempered… but not really: “I can’t whip her,” she told Trump, clearly disappointed at the realization. “Slavery is over.”

For some reason, I feel the need here to point out that Claudia is black. And she’s also officially toast – Trump kicked her to the curb for failing to manage her team effectively and letting Melissa run the show. Which, to be honest, was the only reason their presentation made any sense at all.

Brian McKnight may have had a brillliant strategy in ignoring Dennis Rodman, even when Dennis offered to call in a favor, but if their team had lost Brian probably would’ve been sent home. Why Dennis hasn’t been called on his behavior and inability to play with others is beyond me. I suppose the producers knew that it was only a matter of time before he blew, and judging by next week’s preview, it might be glorious.

“If you go to the dictionary and look up drama, there is a picture of Dennis,” Brian deduced. “No definition necessary.”

Brian’s declaration that, “It’s not a democracy – it’s a dictatorship,” was hilarious, as was Dennis’ confrontation with Clint Black, who is probably less than half his height (even with the cowboy hat). Speaking of which, Clint was annoyed at not being utilized enough – except when it came time to order pizza. “All I have to do is rise to the level of bonehead in this task,” he concluded. Apparently bonehead is a good look on Clint…

By the way, I thought Jesse’s military idea was brilliant – although instead of the West Point soldier talking to a hot babe, he should’ve been talking to his “mom.”

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