“Rock of Love Bus”: The Pet vs. Captain Buzzkill

Holy crap, is Bret Michaels actually going to propose marriage to either Taya or Mindy on next week’s finale of “Rock of Love Bus”?

Well, I am getting older.../all photos VH1

Well, I am getting older.../all photos VH1

Considering Bret’s track record thus far – though Ambre was several more steps in the right direction than his choice during the first season, Jes – I highly doubt it. But the preview for next week’s season finale certainly gives that impression. In it, he says this:

“This is the last time I want to do this and that’s why I’m holding this ring.”

I bet it’s a *promise* ring. I mean, c’mon, he was ready to kick both Mindy and Taya to the curb this week. I can’t imagine him going into a potential relationship with their one of them without having major reservations.

Guess we’ll just have to wait and see. Today’s episode was entertaining (as usual) and full of dead-on analyses by both Bret and the girls, as well as irony aplenty. Things kicked off great with Taya (aka “The Pet”) complaining about the fact that her competition, Mindy and Jamie, just won’t stop suggesting that she’s on the show to promote Penthouse rather than find true love with Bret.

taya

Don't hate me because I'm a Pet.

“I’m sick of hearing about it,” she whined… all the while wearing her Penthouse Pet T-shirt.

Meanwhile, The Pet’s former BFF, Mindy (or, as Bret prefers to call her, “Captain Buzzkill”), spends all of her alone time with Bret talking about The Pet!

I'm like the Energizer Bunny. I just keep talking and talking and talking... about Taya.

I'm like the Energizer Bunny. I just keep talking and talking and talking... about Taya.

“Oh, good God,” declared the clearly exasperated rocker. “Do we always have to talk about Taya?”

Fortunately, Bret found that nearly sucking Captain Buzzkill’s face off keeps the talk of The Pet to a minimum.

“Hey Taya, this is what Bret looks like making out with his girlfriend,” Captain Buzzkill bit back. See? Even in the midst of making out, Buzzkill’s got The Pet on her mind.

“I love her dearly, but that’s my guy,” replied The Pet. I was just waiting for her to say, “… whom I do not love dearly.”

In the meantime, Jamie spends a lot of time sitting around the Drama Zone.

Is it possible to be too honest?

Is it possible to be too honest?

“Jamie’s like an insurance policy,” Bret pointed out. “If Mindy is in a funk, I’ve got Jamie.”

I like Jamie. She’s straightforward and doesn’t appear to be insane. She’s perfect for Bret – except for the fact that she doesn’t want a serious relationship, is probably 20 years younger than him (which explains the former) and may just be a groupie. But hey, nobody’s perfect.

Jamie also had no problem calling it like she sees it. “I think (The Pet) is crazy, I think she’s mental,” she told Bret. “She definitely hasn’t told you the truth. She’s definitely not 29. She’s totally still a stripper.”

Bret, oddly enough, didn’t seem surprised by any of these revelations. And things didn’t get any better with he shares a meal with the three ladies.

“It’s like eating with my in-laws,” he complained (though considering he was never married, I’m not sure how he knows that’s what it’s like). “If I go through another dinner like this, I’m going to send all three of you home.”

Good idea, Bret! The “Sisters Grim” (as he dubbed them) are real downers. “I don’t do good with funks,” he admitted.

The most hilarious part of the episode came when Bret decided to relax with the ladies after dinner. As he walked toward them, he overheard The Pet whine, “I’m 29 going on 129!”

“On second thought, maybe I’ll just go catch some sleep,” he said, turning around.

But in the end, though, Bret’s concerns about Jamie led to him cutting her loose. In typical Jamie fashion, though, she took it in stride – which either makes you think a) she’s just as cool as you think she is or b) being with Bret didn’t mean as much to her as it *should.*

“I’ll get over it,” she promised. “I hope we can be friends. … Maybe he can hook me up with some tickets to Poison.”

So what are the chances that The Pet and Captain Buzzkill are going to declare their love for one another and walk off into the sunset together, leaving Bret in the dust?

Pretty good, I’d say.

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