“The Real Housewives of New Jersey”: Bringing on the crazy

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The first ladies of the Garden State – that would be Teresa Giudice, Caroline Manzo, Jacqueline Laurita and, oh yes, Danielle Staub – have been all over the place in the past few weeks. Have they been in your neighborhood?

Gee, I wonder where Danielle could be?/Photo credit New York Daily News

“I know crazy when I’m looking at it” – Caroline on Danielle

Episode 12

Westin Hotel (Jersey City): Juicy Joe treats his (“fabulous!!”) wife Teresa to a night at this hotel sans kids to celebrate their 10th wedding anniversary. They also share a helicopter ride over Manhattan, and Joe surprises T. with a yellow diamond (read: rock) ring. (A curious choice, considering the Giudices are fighting their bankruptcy trustee’s decision to auction off the contents of their Towaco mansion.)  But best of all is this *original* poem Joe recites to her to commemorate the occasion:

Roses are red
violets are blue
roses are beautiful
and so are you

Wilshire Grand Hotel (West Orange): Danielle’s lovely teenage daughter Christine celebrates her Sweet 16 birthday party here.  It’s billed as a fundraiser for charity. Discuss.

Jacqueline Pasquale Red Carpet Spa (Guttenberg): Christine Staub and her friends receive makeup and hair before the party.

Episode 11

Seriously, you don't think Danielle is actually going to drop it, do you?/Photo credit NorthJersey.com

LA Boxing (Paramus): After Danielle’s terrifying encounter with Teresa, Jacqueline and her daughter, Ashley Holmes, she decides to learn how to fight back. “It only takes one good smack to the head to make a person never walk again,” Danielle says as her *bodyguard* Danny and daughters Christine and Jillian look on.

Posche (Wayne): Teresa visits Kim D.’s boutique to apologize for causing  the Danielle fracas at her fashion show. “If anything, I was just trying to be nice,” Teresa insists. “The only thing I regret at all that night was pushing Kim G., because she is an older woman and I do respect the elderly.” Meow!

Giuseppe’s Homestyle Pizzeria (Hillside): Teresa and the girls visit the restaurant, which is one of Juicy Joe’s questionable business ventures. Evidently even Joe realizes his family’s financial stability is on shaky ground: “I’m gonna show you our suite that we have when we get kicked out of our house.  I figure it’s a nice apartment.” Teresa, for the record, vows to never live there.

Oakland Diner (Oakland): Danielle meets with Danny and his silent sidekick to discuss Ashley ad nauseum. “A year ago, that little girl told me she loved me,” Danielle sniffs, adding that Jacqueline’s daughter also used to come over and use her tanning bed.

Hey, Jacqueline's right! This does sorta look like a "busted-up 'Sex and the City!'"/Photo credit NorthJersey.com

Wayne Township Municipal Complex (Wayne): Danielle confers with attorneys Darren Del Sardo and Anthony Filomeno outside the courthouse after an appearance to pursue harassment and simple assault charges against Ashley for pulling her hair extensions. Or, as Jacqueline puts it, “A convicted felon is pressing charges against Ashley.” Jacqueline is further annoyed that her supposed buddy Kim G. is taking Danielle’s side: “You gathered two of your girlfriends arm-in-arm like a busted-up ‘Sex and the City’ going to the courthouse in support of Danielle.”

This episode also featured Juicy Joe taking his three eldest daughters, Gia, Gabriella and Milania, to Tae Kwon Do class. If anyone has information on where the school is, please let me know!

Episode 10

"Let's pretend to talk about Danielle even though we really ARE talking about Danielle." Teresa, from left, Ashley, Jacqueline and Kim D. find it impossible to ignore Ms. Staub at Kim D.'s fashion show at the North Jersey Country Club./Photo credit Bravo

North Jersey Country Club (Wayne): The site of the big showdown between Danielle, Teresa and Ashley, who takes hair-pulling to a whole new level. “That’s my real hair that (Ashley) ripped out of my head,” Danielle tells Bravo cameras. “And it hurts like hell and there’s a small bald spot in the back of my head.”

"Those beeyotches keep looking over here. I'm going to write something nasty about Ashley on Facebook. You know, something brilliant... like her upper arms are flabby." Danielle, left, fumes as Kim G. looks on with nearly unmitigated glee./Photo credit Bravo

I can’t even begin to describe what happened (and I couldn’t possibly do it justice, anyway), so let’s just refresh our memories, OK?

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Here are a couple of  my favorite lines about the evening:

“I just don’t like people holding me; it bothers me.” – Teresa (add this to the list of things that *skeeve* her out)

“I just believe they’re on a mission… to kill Danielle.” – Danielle on Teresa, Jacqueline and Ashley

Vort & Morgen, LLC (Hackensack): Caroline’s son Albie confers with attorney Karin White Morgen about straightening out his issues with the law school he’s attending.

Sarai Salinas: Danielle’s energist reaches out to Jacqueline on her client’s behalf. “I’m sort of her personal trainer for her spirit,” Sarai tells Jacqueline, who proceeds to play games on her iPhone during the entire phone conversation.

Preakness Restaurant (Wayne): Danielle meets up with Kim G. at her new hangout to discuss (what else?) what Ashley did to her. Supposedly, Ashley keeps posting things on her Facebook page, such as “Tonight was unbeWEAVEable!”

Episode 9

Savini (Allendale): Caroline grabs a meal with her sisters Frannie and Cookie to discuss Albie and his problems with law school.

Luce (Caldwell): Jacqueline and Teresa meet up with Kim D. for lunch. Teresa calls Kim on her friendship with Danielle, to which Kim replies, “As far as your trust issues, put them in your back burner. We’re acquaintances, we’re friendly right now.” Kim also invites Jacqueline and Teresa to her upcoming fashion show at… North Jersey Country Club. To be fair, she does warn them that Danielle will be in attendance.

"Don't you know by now that you can only have people I'm friends with in your boutique?" Danielle reads Kim D. the riot act./Photo credit Bravo

Posche (Wayne): Danielle storms into Kim D.’s boutique to grill her about inviting Teresa and Jacqueline – aka “the enemies” – to the fashion show. “What’s the problem, Danielle?” Kim D. replies. “You can’t lighten up, ever?” Danielle storms out in a snit, promising, “Believe me, she will miss my money.”

Ashley shows up at Posche shortly thereafter, and Kim invites her to be a  model at her fashion show. Can we say recipe for disaster? The girl is already taunting Danielle (aka “making a crazy person crazier,” per her stepdad Chris’ warning) on Facebook, so a face-to-face meeting can’t be good. “I wonder why Danielle’s daughter Christine isn’t in the fashion show,” Ashley muses, “but it’s not my decision.”

North Jersey Country Club (Wayne): Danielle walks into Kim D.’s fashion show assuming that Teresa, Jacqueline and Ashley will keep their distance. “Nobody in their right mind would ever hurt me here,” she says. Think again. Accompanying her is Kim G. and a much-more-attractive-than-Danny bodyguard named Dennis.

Chart House Restaurant (Weehawken): While all hell is breaking loose in Wayne, Caroline is enjoying her date night with hubby Al. She hints around that she’d like him to scale back his work hours, but he doesn’t seem to want to. (Caroline’s mojito in this scene looks totally delicious!)

1 Comment

  1. anne denofa said,

    August 27, 2010 at 9:21 am

    Teresa, you are the one causeing all the problems,you caused ashleys problems. you need to move back to patterson, look at your self on tv.
    you are trashie,not dannelle. you are the bitch why pick on dannelle.
    you are the fat bitch on the show with your honey drunken Joe.you
    kids are way way out in left feild.
    dannelle keep your head you caused nother its teresa
    Anne D.

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