“Millionaire Matchmaker”: Patti from Jersey offers some great advice

“The Millionaire Matchmaker” is full of it.
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Advice, that is. And it is totally brilliant.

This week’s episode had some real gems. But before I get to them, how hilarious was last week’s episode with Shauna the millionairess? Patti Stanger’s opinionated client really gave her agita – just look at the above video for proof. I mean, who openly insults someone they want to help them? It doesn’t exactly make Patti feel like giving her all, either – especially when Shauna criticizes Patti’s looks.

“First of all, I don’t want a Botoxed, Restylane-injected plastic surgery, lopsided-face look,” Patti shot back after seeing Shauna’s video interview.

Can you tell Patti’s a Jersey girl?

This week, she had two great nuggets of advice to offer women:

“It is so important for women to be women and men to be men, and to keep those roles intact,” Patti explained. “It’s worked for millions of years. And the reason why is the minute you switch into masculine mode, as a feminine woman, and you decide that you’re going to take over the show, you’re going to end up with a son – not a husband.”

“Keep dating other people, let him smell another man around,” Patti advised Maya, who had a great date with Matt. “(If) he senses another penis around him, he’s going to move even faster.”

Too bad Patti had to deal with such knuckleheads this week. Was Jimmy D. intentionally trying to do a John Travolta impression? Because he sounded just like him. And what was up with him referring to himself in the third person? He lifted that straight out of a “Seinfeld” episode – which just happened to feature a guy named (yep, you guessed it) Jimmy. The whole time I was waiting for him to say, “Jimmy is pretty sweet on you!”

What the heck was kooky Cara from “Momma’s Boys” doing here? Is she related to somebody at NBC Universal?
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Patti should definitely reassess her opinion of Cara, who, unless she’s constantly putting her *acting* skills to the test, is a big can of crazy, just like Jimmy D. asserted. All this and a Scientologist, too?

What’s up with this sudden crossover of women on reality dating shows? A couple of weeks ago, Patti interviewed Dallas from the first season of “Rock of Love with Bret Michaels.” Now it’s Cara. Is there suddenly a shortage of single women in Los Angeles?

“Millionaire Matchmaker” pulls no punches

I cannot get enough of “The Millionaire Matchmaker.”

Jersey girl Patti Stanger tells men like it is and doesn’t mince words. It doesn’t matter that they’re richer than rich and paying her thousands and thousands of dollars to help them meet Ms. Right.

Here she is on “The View”:

Last night’s episode was another hoot. Who the heck does Laurence, a 38-year-old millionaire, think he is? He has very high standards and moves way too quickly. Patti was totally right in telling him off after he tried to talk his date, Marissa, into flying to Vegas with him… on their first date.

“Women are like crock pots,” explains Patti in a great analogy. “They heat up very slowly to get to a simmer. Men are like microwaves – from A to Z, boom!”

By the way, I was absolutely shocked to see Dallas from “Rock of Love with Bret Michaels” on the show. I’m surprised Patti and her staff didn’t recognize her and call her on it – unless they were told that would be promoting the VH1 show.

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