Hang in there, Bret Michaels

I’ve got my fingers crossed for Bret Michaels.

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Dr. Sanjay Gupta’s explanation of Bret’s hemorrhage on “Larry King Live” last night  – which also featured commentary by Bret’s “Celebrity Apprentice” castmate Darryl Strawberry and “Rock of Love Bus” winner Taya Parker – made it sound like he might pull out of this OK.

But from the sound of reports today, the Poison frontman and reality-television star is in really, really bad shape. According to an Entertainment Tonight report I just read on Twitter, Bret will soon be undergoing surgery to relieve swelling around his brain. The entertainment program’s unnamed source also claims that Bret’s condition is “deteriorating.”

Of course, until this information is confirmed by Bret’s people, we should really take it with a grain of salt. Still, the fact that Bret’s reps haven’t supplied fans with an update yet today (which they’ve been doing religiously on Twitter and Facebook) is quite worrisome.

At this point, it sure doesn’t hurt to send him good vibes.

Though I’ve never met Bret in person, I interviewed him in 2008 for an article about the second “Rock of Love” season. (Read my article here.)  He was gregarious and jovial, just like he seems on TV. Watching Bret on TV is like seeing an entirely different side of him – and I’m glad he was given the opportunity to continue doing that on “Celebrity Apprentice” this season. That show has been downright entertaining, and Bret is the main reason for it. Just check out this clip from this week’s episode:

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I hope we get to see more of Bret working with teammates Sharon Osbourne and Maria Kanellis. They make a great team.

And before I forget, did anyone see People’s recent story about Bret? It featured great photos of him with his daughters and their mother, Kristi Gibson. Bret seems like a very involved, sensitive father, judging by the way he talks about his daughters on “Celebrity Apprentice.” Just a couple of episodes ago, Bret was despondent at the thought that his daughter, Raine, might be diabetic:

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In the meantime, here are some photos from the People magazine article:

Bret shares custody of his daughters, Raine (top) and Jorja, with their mother, Kristi Gibson./All photos by Justin Stephens for People

If you have a Bret Michaels story to share, please do!

A battered and broken Bret is back – sort of

It remains to be seen whether or not Poison frontman and reality show star Bret Michaels has found twoo love with Penthouse Pet Taya Parker (his No. 1 pick on “Rock of Love Bus”), but one thing’s for sure: These days he’s sporting a face only a mother could love.

Ouch! That's gotta hurt.

Ouch! That's gotta hurt.

As I’m sure you’ve heard, Bret got clobbered good by a set piece during Sunday’s Tony Awards, and now he’s got pix to prove just how grievously he was injured.

He’s also accusing the Tony Awards people of having an extreme lack of concern for his welfare following the incident, wondering aloud if he would’ve received more attention if he had been, say, Liza Minnelli.

Up, up in the sky! It's a bird, it's a plane...

Up, up in the sky! It's a bird, it's a plane...

Yup, that’s right. Us Weekly reports that Bret Michaels’ rep, Janna Elias, is singing like a canary over the Tonys’ shoddy treatment of her rock star.

“I find it surprising that a Tony spokesperson would brush off this incident with a comment stating ‘Mr. Michaels missed his mark’ with no mention of concern for his condition,” the rep said. “If everyone at the Tonys were aware that Bret missed his mark then they should have been aware enough to stop the set piece from hitting him or at least slowed it down until he cleared the stage. I feel had this incident happened to Liza Minnelli, Dolly Parton or Elton John the Tonys would have at least issued a letter of concern.”

She forgot Stockard Channing, whose performance immediately followed Bret’s.

Among the points she makes are these:

*Bret was never told that the set piece which clonked him in the noggin even existed, not even during rehearsal.

*The only people to attend to a bloodied and visibly injured Bret were members of his own road crew.

*No one working behind the scenes made any move to warn Bret or slow/stop the prop from striking him.

Us also quotes another Bret spokesperson, Bob Wallerstein, as saying, “We realize the show is live and must go on, however it is unfortunate that the show’s host made light of the situation without having any knowledge of the severity of Bret’s injuries. Comments that Mr. (Neil Patrick) Harris was doing shots backstage with Mr. Michaels and that Bret was completely fine were untrue considering Bret never saw Mr. Harris prior to, during or after the Tonys but in fact was being attended to by medical personnel backstage.”

Snap! He told you, Doogie Howser!

Meanwhile, the battered and broken Bret canceled a gig on Wednesday because he’s not feeling up to snuff. He’s awaiting the result of more tests on his back and spine, and his reps say further injuries could develop. I can’t argue with that, as I know all too well that those type of injuries don’t always show themselves right away.

You can read what Bret has to say about the incident right here.

And in other Bret news, he’s telling Elle magazine all about his sex life and how his dia-bee-tus affects it. Or doesn’t. Here’s a sampling:

ELLE: You’ve lived with diabetes since you were a kid. How does the disease affect your sex life?
BRET: The only time it will ever affect you in bed is if you have extremely low blood sugar and you go into insulin shock, at which point you won’t be standing up, let alone performing sex. However, I will sometimes hold off on the insulin, which will jack my blood sugar level up to the low 200 range. It’s like how a prizefighter will want to go into the ring with his blood sugar levels high. It gives you the stamina of a bull. So, yes, sometimes I will endanger my own life to pleasure a woman.

What a guy!  Read all about it – if you dare – in the July issue of Elle.

“Rock of Love Bus” finale: Taya wins? Wassa goin’ on here?

Is Bret Michaels really a “standard jerk in a rock star uniform”?

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Probably not, but watching the Poison frontman choose Penthouse Pet of the Year Taya Parker over wholesome (hey, compared to her competition she certainly was!) Mindy Hall in last night’s finale of “Rock of Love Bus” did leave you wondering: What the heck is he thinking?

What about all of the weeks of assorted people – the other contestants and even Bret himself – pointing out and questioning The Pet’s never-ending plugging of Penthouse? It came up again last night, in a hilarious montage of scenes throughout the season in which The Pet uttered the word “Penthouse” (not to mention the number of times she’s worn her “Penthouse Pet” tank top). But apparently that didn’t matter in the end to Bret – heck, maybe the whole season has been a collusion between Bret and Penthouse to get them both plenty of publicity – because he picked her anyway.

“I was not expecting to fall for this guy,” said The Pet, in what was probably the most emotion she showed all season long. “I just need him to love me for me.”

About 24 hours after he got down and dirty with Captain Buzzkill, Bret was ready to seal the deal with The Pet.

“Jump into my bed of roses,” (just watch out for those thorns!) he said in an *accent* that sounded strangely like Bela Lugosi doing “Dracula.” “I will make love to you.”

“He’s the most romantic guy,” gushed The Pet. “He knows how to crawl into your heart and stick in there.”

No, that sounds more like a parasite…which you just might be bringing home with you if you drink the water.

The Pet certainly played her cards right. Even though she’s spread her legs for more photo shoots than gynecological appointments, she refused to sleep with him. And that just drove Bret crazy.

“The fact that Taya didn’t stay the night has nothing to do with the fact that now I can’t stop thinking about her,” he declared, wistfully watching her return to her hotel room.

Bret’s decision to pick The Pet left Captain Buzzkill visibly shell-shocked.

“She’s trying to paint herself as Miss Goody Two Shoes,” Captain Buzzkill said of The Pet. “(She talks like) ‘No matter how many times I pose naked in a magazine, I’m not really that girl.’ Well yeah, you are.”

I suppose Captain Buzzkill thought she had it in the bag, even though she found it practically impossible to express her feelings to Bret and spent much of the season complaining and being, as Bret puts it, “in a funk.” For that reason alone I understand why he didn’t pick her; who wants to be around someone negative that you feel like you always have to cheer up?

Frankly, if I was Bret I would’ve left both of these women standing there on the beach in the Dominican Republic. Thank God he didn’t give The Pet that engagement ring, either. (From what little you could actually see of them, it looked like she picked the classier piece.) What are the chances that he’ll actually wind up giving The Pet that ring?

Yeah, exactly.

And what are the chances that there will be another season of Bret Michaels looking for love?

Mmmm hmmmm…

Next up, the reunion! Now that should be fascinating.

Bret Michaels’ strikes while the iron is hot

Bret Michaels is no dummy.

bret

Riding high on the third season of his VH1 reality show, “Rock of Love Bus,” Michaels will kick off a tour with his longtime band, Poison (with Def Leppard and Cheap Trick along for the ride), in June. But maybe what you haven’t heard is that Michaels has also penned an autobiography, “Roses & Thorns,” which is due out June 9.

People recently unveiled the book  jacket (see above). The book, published by Simon & Schuster, reportedly recounts Michaels’ upbringing in the middle of Pennsylvania, his lifelong struggle with dia-bee-tus (as only Bret and Wilford Brimley pronounce it), his Poison years, the “car crashes that nearly took his life” and his brilliant career reinvention via the VH1 reality shows.

Hey, I had to give you some Bret Michaels news – it’s another week before we see a new “Rock of Love Bus.”  And the end is coming all too quickly – the show wraps up April 12. 😦

“Rock of Love Bus”: Buh-bye, Beverly

Beverly bit the dust this week on “Rock of Love with Bret Michaels.” While her departure wasn’t exactly a surprise – after all, Bret’s never acted particularly romantic toward her – I’m still sorry to see her go.

all photos VH1

all photos VH1

It didn’t matter to Bret that the song Beverly wrote was cute, funny, smart and clever – I especially loved the line “so many skanks I had to beat” – Taya’s previous music studio experience (and all around general Penthouse hotness, I suppose) won him over, and he declared her the winner. Fortunately, he must’ve felt that Bev came in a close second, because he brought her along on the solo date, too.

Bev's practically catatonic listening to Taya blab on and on./VH1

Bev's practically catatonic listening to Taya blab on and on.

“Ha ha,” crowed Bev. “Too bad, so sad. I get to go, too!”

During the date – which, as usual, involved a Bret Michaels concert – Taya complained about Bev and Bev complained about Taya. Including these gems:

Taya on Bev: “Beeyotch won’t get out of my face with the rock hands. Seriously.”

Bev on Taya: “Taya is doing some sort of swivelly – I don’t know – Penthouse dance, and it just looks stupid.”

Unfortunately, Bev made the poor decision to ask Bret for his autograph for her kids rather than make any sex moves on him in the limo. I think that pretty much sealed her fate right there. Or maybe it was a few weeks ago when she decided to do this:

Straddling Bret's head probably wasn't the smartest move Beverly made during her time on the "Rock of Love Bus."/VH1

Straddling Bret's head probably wasn't the smartest move Beverly made during her time on the "Rock of Love Bus."/VH1

In the end, Bret questioned Bev’s motivation: “I gotta wonder if you see me as Bret the potential boyfriend or Bret Michaels the rock star.”

Ummm… After Heather and Ambre’s assessment last week, I think he should be asking Jamie that question! Didn’t they have serious concerns about her being a groupie? Heck, didn’t she admit that she wouldn’t be all into Bret if he wasn’t in a band? Why is Beverly being an “uber fan” worse to Bret than Jamie being a groupie?

And what was up with Mindy’s whining throughout the entire episode? It was either “In a game of love, I always lose, and I don’t want to lose this time” or “She’s (Taya) always perfect” or “My job is not to be Taya’s cheerleader; it’s to be Mindy’s cheerleader” or one of the million times she uttered the phrase “I can’t” – as in “I can’t sing,” “I can’t write a song” or “I can’t be as cute/sexy/hot as Taya.” Can’t can’t can’t can’t can’t.  It was rather annoying!

What are the chances that Bret would’ve sent Mindy home had she not taken those hot pictures with Jamie? (Of course, Bret probably didn’t realize it was Jamie’s idea in the first place… because Mindy was too busy saying “I can’t.”)

We also learned this week that Taya’s got quite the foul mouth – at least when Bret’s not around. Then, she acts all prim and proper. I can’t say I think Bret’s gotten a good idea of what she’s really like. If I were him, I’d also be concerned about that psycho ex-boyfriend of hers from last week. One has to wonder about the woman who’d seriously date anyone of his questionable caliber.

Not to mention Taya’s questionable choice in movies. “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” is her favorite? Seriously?

Of course, we’ve got to wait two more weeks before VH1 airs a new episode. And it looks to be a doozy, too, with Bret growing more and more exasperated with the remaining three. (And really, who can blame him?) “If I go through another dinner like this, I’m going to send all three of you home,” he threatens. I can’t wait!

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