Maybe there’s hope for Jesse James after all

In case you haven’t heard, Jesse James has gone to rehab.

People reports that rehab was “100 percent his idea,” according to his rep, and not because jilted wife Sandra Bullock gave him any ultimatum.

“Jesse checked himself into a treatment facility to deal with personal issues,” his rep told People in a statement. “He realized that this time was crucial to help himself, help his family and help save his marriage.”

The facility he checked into is in Arizona, says TMZ, and it also – ironically – was the same center Sandra visited while doing research for her role as a drunk in “28 Days.”

Yes, unlike some other male celebrities I could mention <cough> Tiger Woods <cough> David Letterman <cough> Jesse has decided to be proactive, take the bull by the horns and face his demons head-on.

I have to wonder if any of Sierra Tucson’s group therapy sessions look like the one depicted in this recent “South Park” scene (WARNING: THIS CLIP INCLUDES EXPLICIT LANGUAGE THAT MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME VIEWERS – AND IT IS DEFINITELY NOT SUITABLE FOR WORK!):

Good for Jesse, I say. Checking himself into rehab is something  the *old* Jesse I remember from his “Celebrity Apprentice” days might do. Speaking of which, those of us who watched him on that show are well aware that he’s a recovering alcoholic who stopped drinking about 10 years ago. Let’s take a look back at how he forced teammate Dennis Rodman to confront his own drinking problem:

If Jesse been successful at keeping alcohol at bay for a decade, I’m hopeful he can beat this addiction, too. But in the end, it all comes down to how much he wants to beat it. And, I’m sorry to say, he can’t do it to get Sandra back. He’s got to do it for himself.

I wish him luck.

Jesse James slams Dennis Rodman in “Celebrity Apprentice” finale

I’m not going to bother analyzing NBC’s bloviated, agonizing, three-hour-long “Celebrity Apprentice” finale, but I will say this: Annie Duke deserved to win.

rodmanJesse James

She played the game the most fierce of anyone I’ve seen, and she did incredible work (especially fundraising; no matter she essentially brow-beat friends into giving her large sums of cash) which should have been recognized by her winning the top spot. Donald Trump had other ideas, however, and dubbed his buddy Joan Rivers the Celebrity Apprentice. I still don’t think his explanation (what little there was) makes much sense, but hey, this is a reality television show! Who said it has to make sense?

Despite Annie and Joan Rivers’ constant bickering – which honestly was growing tiresome by the third, interminably long hour – the most interesting exchange of the evening came between Jesse James and Dennis Rodman during one of the live segments broadcast from New York City’s American Museum of Natural History. Donald, ever the instigator, asked Dennis how he felt about what Jesse had previously said about him.

(Let me refresh your memory: It was “I think Dennis has obviously got a drinking problem,” which is what everyone else on the show was thinking but Jesse was the only one to actually have the nerve to say it.)

Dennis, who seems to have trouble articulating a single thought, turned the exchange into an opportunity to bash Jesse for his fundraising skills (or lack thereof).

“His wife (Sandra Bullock) makes $20 million a movie, and you’re going to tell me your friends don’t have money?” Dennis blurted out.

“You can keep saying whatever you want,” Jesse retorted calmly (he’s so calm sometimes that I imagine I’d get pretty PO’d if I were arguing with him), “but the problem isn’t diverted away from yourself. If you weren’t so stupid, you’d realize that the only reason I said anything to you is because I care about you.”

The sincerity behind the end of the sentence is wonderful, but it doesn’t completely negate Jesse calling Dennis “stupid.” But then again, “stupid” is one of Jesse’s favorite barbs to throw at his fellow contestants. A few episodes back, he lobbed it at Clint Black, who pigheadedly continued on with his own vision for the Right Guard advertisement: “I laid out one idea that was 100 percent original,” Jesse told Clint, “but you’re too (bleeping) stupid to realize it.”

(For the record, Clint may have been unwilling to listen to Jesse, but the team’s ad still wound up beating Annie’s team.)

Donald quickly put an end to their conversation, telling Jesse he should not have called Dennis dumb.

Jesse James: “I really could care less who wins (‘Celebrity Apprentice’)”

No surprises, here: Jesse James is so over “Celebrity Apprentice.” Just watch:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “‘The Celebrity Apprentice’ Finale | F…“, posted with vodpod

Jesse’s enthusiasm for the show has really skyrocketed, hasn’t it? No matter. As long as he makes an appearance on the finale this Sunday (things kick off at 8 p.m. EDT on NBC), I’ll be happy. But I can tell you that Jesse will not, unfortunately, be one of the firees (is that a word?) returning to help Joan Rivers and Annie Duke win the final task. Those lucky ducks (and I use that term loosely) are Dennis Rodman, Tom Green, Melissa Rivers, Brande Roderick, Clint Black and Herschel Walker.

Oh, well. It’ll be great to see Tom Green again. Can you imagine if Melissa Rivers, Dennis Rodman and Tom are all on Annie’s side? What a perfect storm that would be!

Joan Rivers is going to get it

Roasted nuts, anyone?

Cheer up, guys! There's no reason to look so glum./NBC

Cheer up, guys! There's no reason to look so glum./all photos NBC

Comedy Central has announced that its next victim – oops, roastee – is none other than Joan Rivers.

Joan will join previous roastees William Shatner, Pamela Anderson and Bob Saget for a night of fun, frivolity and totally inappropriate (yet hilarious) jokes when the roast takes place on July 26 (which, in a completely unrelated aside, is my birthday. Invite? Anyone?).

joan

The longtime comedienne has been yukking it up on “The Celebrity Apprentice” this season, and I must say she’s been quite entertaining.

“The Comedy Central Roast of Joan Rivers”  is set to air at 10 p.m. Aug. 9. Rivers sounds quite excited at the prospect of being made fun of for hours on end.

“I’m thrilled to be doing this for Comedy Central,” she said in a press release. “The last time I was roasted, I was half of a two-for-one special: Joan of Arc and me.”

Since Joan and her daughter, Melissa, seem joined at the hip, I can only assume that Melissa will be one of the roasters. And I’ll be curious to see who else shows up. Will Donald Trump make an appearance? Will Andrew Dice Clay roast Joan? Please, if Dennis Rodman shows up, somebody give him ginger ale.

I heart Jesse James

Jesse James is like the coolest cat on the planet.

(No offense to my cats, Ginger and Baby, of course.)

It took a lot of cajones for Jesse to speak as plainly as he did about teammate Dennis Rodman on “Celebrity Apprentice” last night.

“I don’t know what he’s talking about, but I think Dennis has obviously got a drinking problem,” he told Donald Trump during the boardroom showdown.

Bam!

It wasn’t like everyone else in the boardroom wasn’t already thinking it – it was just Jesse was the only one to actually say the words aloud.  I have to wonder if anyone else has ever done that to Dennis’ face?

“I stopped drinking almost nine years ago,” Jesse said by way of explanation.

Bam!

Clearly, the guy knows one when he sees one.

“I can kick anybody’s ass at anything!” Dennis declared in one of his few coherent moments.

“Why doesn’t he kick our asses at being a good person?” Jesse replied.

Why, indeed.

jesse

Sandra Bullock is one lucky woman.

Update 4/19: Is Jesse James good in bed? Click here to find out.

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